breastfeeding and family support

One of the most important things you will ever do to have a happy Mothering and breastfeeding experience is to get your husband and your Mom (and Mom-In-Law) on your side.

Make sure your husband understands why breastfeeding is so important to you AND to his child.

Relate facts in a casual way (leaving books or articles about breastfeeding in the bathroom works!) about the benefits of breastfeeding. Dads really appreciate the findings about how breastfed babies have higher IQs and the fact that breastfeeding saves money. Did you know that 6 months of breastfeeding will save enough money to pay for a new appliance or two? Pretty impressive stuff!

Don’t just take my word on this. More than one study has shown that the attitude of your baby's Father (as well as your Mom) are one of the most important factors in breastfeeding success. Here is one example:

A study reported in Pediatrics magazine found that when Dad took a 40 minute class on how to deal with common breastfeeding concerns, Mom was 67 percent more likely to still be nursing at 6 months!

The author of the study said that Dad’s support may be even more important than the advice of a health professional.

If the going gets tough, it helps if these two are on your side!

If you take the time before your baby arrives to explain to your baby’s Father and other family members who are close to you how much it means to you that your baby receive only your milk for the first 6 months, it will go a long way towards you achieving that.

It's also a good idea to make a list of things Dad can do with baby (other than feed her) so he doesn't feel left out in her care.

Examples include:

• Taking baby for a walk outside while you take a nap or bath – most babies love to be outdoors and will usually quiet down if taken outside when they’re fussy
  
  
• Massage baby – you can pick up books on baby massage at the library, bookstore or even find free tutorials online
  
  
• Giving baby a bath
  
  
• "Slinging" (wearing baby in a soft cloth carrier) baby to sleep
  
  
• Readingstories – babies love hearing Dad’s deep voice!
  
  
• Changing diapers and making it a special ritual with tickles, songs, etc- you can be in charge of "input", and him, "output"

Dads have been bonding with their babies without feeding them since the beginning of time. He doesn't need to give baby a bottle, possibly damaging the breastfeeding relationship, to bond with her.

If your Mom or Mother in Law will be helping you after the birth, be sure to communicate in a calm, non judgmental way that you feel strongly about your (and your partners!) choice to nurse the baby, and that while her help is greatly appreciated, you are in charge of feedings.

It might help you make a list of things she can do to help... things like housework, laundry, meal preparation or caring for your older child(ren). Ask her what her breastfeeding experiences were. It's good to be proactive, for instance, you may take your Mom aside and say: "Mom, I'm concerned. I really value you and I'm so glad you'll be available to help me after the baby's born, but I have some concerns. I know you didn't breastfeed me, and it's really important to me that I have your support. Can we talk about it?"

Sometimes your Mom or Mother in Law will feel bad about the choices she made with her own babies, and might discourage you. Trust that she only has your best interests at heart. She might want to spare you the "difficulty" that she experienced.

The best you can do if this is the situation you're in is to have a heart full of love, empathy and acceptance. Realize that she likely had access to little information or support for her mothering choices... or even none at all. She did the best she could in the circumstances she was in. This will help you deal with her empathically.